(no subject)

Something I appreciate about Philadelphia vs this Boston area that I ought to record:
Something about Philadelphia was empowering and invigorating when I went back to visit for a weekend recently. I could be sitting in outside a church in Boston waiting for other ringers to finish up whatever thing in whatever bell tower, or waiting for someone to get the door, or whatever. I would be looking over my shoulder every second, worried, feeling generally out of place or like I'm in someone's way. In Philly, under the same circumstances, you'll find me sitting out in front like I own the place.

But all of my favorite friends are here in Camberville, and none of them are in Philadelphia. I like the climate here slightly more. Philly has better public transit (the bar is very, very, very low).

Mondays are for cowardice

and I'm going to write something here about that, but I'm afraid to think or write about what...

There's a sort of complicity. It makes me wish I had kept a journal during 2019. At this point in time, I like to think that going back and reading entries from then would be good or helpful in some way, but realistically, if I did have journal entries from that time, I'd either not remember them right now, or I would be terrified of revisiting them.

I'm writing this entry in between Dominion turns. I play Dominion online a lot and it's so enjoyable.

But I do keep shying away from thoughts that are not 'Dominion is nice' or 'things happened in 2019', so I think I'll need to leave it at that. Otherwise, the next thing would be 'what am I doing later' and so on.

(Still struggling with the compulsion to pull my hair out, still struggling with acknowledging that)